For someone I work with, tomorrow will not be a good Friday. Two of her relatives are having birthdays, and she’ll have to battle the Easter crowds to find a suitable gift. (”No, it’s not an Easter egg. It’s a shiny ornament you put on your mantle. Just make sure you keep the room nice and cool.”)
Even without Easter, it would still be a nightmare. It’s bad enough trying to think up a suitable gift for one person. But when you’ve got a few of them in quick succession, it makes you wish you were an orphan. If someone started offering cheap adoption papers over the Internet instead of university degrees, they’d make a fortune.
I’m sure everyone has their own horror stretch when it comes to gift buying. Mine is from mid-August to early September, when most of my relatives have birthdays. (Fortunately I met Lynda, who is brilliant at finding the perfect gift for people.) But I can’t complain too much, because at the end of the year they have to get me something for both Christmas and my birthday, which falls three days before.
The sad thing is, once I get past those few frantic weeks, my calendar is pretty much empty. I can go for months without having to buy anyone anything, unless Hallmark decides to cash in on ANZAC day. (”Wow! A machine gun. How thoughtful.”)
And it’s not just me. Everyone I’ve talked to about it has the same issue, just at different times of the year. Unfortunately I doubt the authorities will let people legally change their birthdays the way they change their name by Deed Poll because everyone would suddenly become 30 years younger.
And that’s when it hit me: that’s why we have horoscopes. If someone’s attracted to you because you’re a Pisces, it’s not because they think you’re trustworthy and understanding. It’s because they don’t have anything on from mid-February to mid-March and so will have plenty of time to choose your birthday present.
It may seem a bit shallow, but before you end the relationship, look at the bright side. You’ll get some really great presents from this person, though I’d be worried if you see them walking into a gun shop.